-1-
This happened about eight years ago. It was late in the year and I still had some presents to buy. A few mailorders had gone by the wayside, and I was left with few other options but a trip to the mall. But this was central Jersey, so I felt okay about that.
I got turned around a few times and missed a connection and followed the wrong signs for a while. It started to feel like I’d wound up behind a strip mall, only squared. Then I saw a sign that beckoned, and I followed it. And then I was going down a ramp, somewhere deep.
-2-
The driveway spat me out into a dank concrete chamber, a parking lot that was mostly empty except for seven long-haul trucks and a Vespa. A soot-stained sign showed me where to park, and another pointed me towards the entrance. God damn, I thought. I’m in the undermall.
-3-
Have you ever been to the undermall? It’s bizarre. Stores like Beagle Communion and Reggie’s Swan Boutique. All the lights there are fluorescent, and the only thing at the food court is an Orange Julius where everything’s made with peppermint.
-4-
It’s always the holiday season in the undermall, it turns out. Santa just lingers. You can take photos with him, sure, but they always turn out a little blurry. Down in the undermall, Santa’s head elf wears a blue hat and rolls a…
